Death, Now
by archphoenix
Summary: All plans have failed to survive the ground from the threat of the black rain. The only option is to enter the Flame, but Clarke must face up to the fact that they cannot survive and that not everyone can will be able to access the Flame. Lexa awaits her, but taking the Flame will confirm her failure as Commander. She could not save Lexa's people.


The metal door slammed against the outside wall, and Clarke's boots sloshed in the black stained mud as she marched through the still grounds of Arkadia. A few droplets made their way into her boot which had a jagged cut at the side and she could feel her sock dampening, but it hardly mattered now.

'Clarke!' Bellamy shouted, sprinting after her. 'Wait!'

Clarke spun around furiously, but she quickly had to stamp her left leg in the ground as she almost slipped in her haste. Bellamy raised his eye brows at her, almost issuing a silent challenge.

'Go inside, Bellamy.'

'No,' he said flatly, and he dropped his rifle so that mud splattered up and clung to his clothes; 'I've made my choice.'

'And I've made mine,' Clarke spat, determined.

'So you're just going to wait out here to die?' Bellamy asked.

'That's what you're doing.' Clarke threw back at him.

Bellamy placed his hands on his hips as he looked down at the black rain soaked ground. When he looked back up at her, he wore a wry smile.

'Yes, it is,' Bellamy agreed.

'Then I am too.' Clarke retorted stubbornly.

If this was to be their last fight then she was going to win it.

'You're not dying for me.' Bellamy shook his head.

'It's not for you.' Clarke said, annoyed. 'This plan…it's not right, Bellamy. We're leaving people to die.'

'Dying is the only chance they have. It's the only chance we could give them.' Bellamy urged.

Clarke stepped back, smiling bitterly.

'This isn't a chance, Bellamy. We gave them nothing. Everything we did to get here…and we're going to die anyway.'

'We were all going to die some time,' Bellamy said softly, but Clarke blinked by angry tears.

'We failed them.' Clarke said, but the words were clipped as she struggled to control her pain.

Her throat stung and she flicked away her eyes from Bellamy, not wanting to see his kindness or any pity. He had been half right; for they were both monsters but now it had amounted to nothing.

'Yeah, we caused a lot of pain, but a second nuclear apocalypse isn't on us, Clarke. We were always going to die.' Bellamy said. 'But you and Raven gave us a second chance. There's still life in the Flame.'

The only chance they had was in and AI and to use ALIE's chips. All options from this life had left them. Normally their plans felt like a victory in themselves because they had found a way to beat the odds. This felt unmistakably like defeat.

'Not everyone can access it,' Clarke said, pain building again.

The black rain had already fallen twice. It would come again. These quick short showers were just a warning of what was to come. The Dead Zone had already been decimated by a storm of radiation. People had died, screaming in agony as their bodies were ravaged by it. There were clans that they couldn't even get to now. People had fled, terrified. There had been riots along borders and there weren't enough of the newly converted ALIE chips to give to everyone. They'd made as many as they could but it wasn't enough. Around one thousand people, mostly Skaikru, Trikru, Azgeda and Floukru had been transported to the Flame, to live on the ground through death as their bodies were laid to waste - but that wasn't enough. Hundreds of thousands from the Coalition's clan would be left without any alternative. They were going to die alone.

'You should go to her.' Bellamy said, his voice cracking slightly and Clarke looked at him, confused but her heart clenched when she caught his knowing expression.

'What?' Clarke repeated, her voice barely more than a whisper.

'Lexa,' Bellamy clarified, but they both knew he didn't need to, 'you should go to her. This doesn't need to be your choice.'

'They're my people now,' Clarke said, quietly but firmly, as she looked over the ground and to the open gates of Arkadia.

'Your people are still going to need you in the next life,' Bellamy urged.

'No,' Clarke said, shaking her head vehemently.

She didn't want that responsibility again.

'You love her, Clarke.' Bellamy said, his voice rising again. 'You were devastated to lose her three times-'

'Don't-'

'She left on you on that Mountain and then you left us. She died and you were barely hanging together, and then she left you again in that damn City of-'

'I can't-'

'They need you to go back, Clarke. You want to go back-'

'I failed her!' Clarke shouted finally, her eyes stinging once more.

Confusion swept over Bellamy's face, and he stepped forward but Clarke looked at him, distraught as she stepped back.

'They were her people, they're all our people,' Clarke admitted, her voice trembling, 'and I can't save them.'

Bellamy shook his head, his eyes blazing.

'You did everything you could.'

'It wasn't enough.'

Clarke swallowed tightly, her throat burning. Lexa was just inside. All she had to do was walk inside Arkadia and go down the corridors to engineering where Raven was waiting with the chip. There would be no more threat of radiation. There would be no more running.

'They still need you. In there, they're going to need you.' Bellamy repeated.

'So we take our wars into the Flame?' Clarke scoffed.

They had brought nothing but death to the ground. They would surely taint the Flame too.

'It's different in there.' Bellamy dismissed.

'And we're the same.' Clarke retorted, icy.

'So do better;' Bellamy shrugged, 'there are no wars unless you want them. Everyone goes in there knowing that they're all on equal terms and everyone who didn't make it is gone.'

Clarke looked at Bellamy, disbelieving. He'd tried to talk her into so many different things. This was the same fight it always was, really.

'So why are you staying?' Clarke asked quietly.

Bellamy looked at her, as though she had overlooked an obvious answer.

'O doesn't need me.'

It was Clarke's turn to shake her head.

'She wants you,' Clarke insisted quickly but Bellamy gave a sad smile again.

'I just don't want to go.' Bellamy admitted. 'Let's face it, the best chance to avoid more wars is if you don't bring me.'

'You got us here.' Clarke replied, defiant. 'If it wasn't for you we'd all be dead. I couldn't have done this without you.'

'Maybe,' Bellamy acknowledged, 'but this is a new dawn now, Clarke, and I'm done.'

There was little grief to Bellamy's features, just a quiet acceptance about his presence. He did look weary. She was sure she hardly looked much better after months of pointlessly searching for a way for everyone to be saved.

'Why is my life worth more?' Clarke asked, looking again beyond the gates.

'It isn't.' Bellamy said. 'But you're dying doesn't save even more one life. Time's up.'

'I'm just supposed to leave you here?' Clarke said, her eyes not leaving the gates.

'Yes.'

'I don't want to just survive.' Clarke confessed, a small tear tickling as it rolled its way down her cheek.

'That's why you're going in the Flame.' Bellamy offered.

Clarke nodded, flicking the tear from her face with her fingers before she turned around. She glanced at the door that was still wide open and then back to Bellamy.

'It's not failure.' Bellamy promised her.

Clarke looked at Bellamy hopelessly, before she threw herself into him. He stumbled back slightly with the force of the hug but she soon felt his hands grip her firmly.

Clarke wiped her eyes again, and struggled to get her breathing under control as she stepped away from him after a few moments. She looked at him, trying to steady herself before she put every effort into a small smile.

'I'm glad it was you.' Clarke told him. 'I'm glad you were with me through this.'

'Me too, Princess.' Bellamy smiled. 'We didn't do too badly…sometimes…'

Clarke smiled sadly, giving a small shrug and nod of her head.

'We made it down to zero.' Clarke replied.

'Forty five.' Bellamy corrected. 'Forty five, in the Flame. That's good enough for me.'

Clarke nodded, not sure of what now to do but she knew she could not touch him again unless her grief at everything they had already lost was to snap her apart.

'Don't say it.' Clarke said quickly, knowing what was coming.

Bellamy nodded.

'I won't.' He promised.

She never wanted to hear 'may we meet again': not from him, and not again from anyone. She hated those words now.

'My fight is over.' Bellamy said quietly.

Clarke nodded, and turned around slowly. Her boots squelched once more as she started to make her way back to Arkadia but Bellamy called out to her and she spun around back to him.

'Hey, at least we made it to the ground.' Bellamy shouted smiling, and holding his arms out as he looked around the grounds. 'It was worth shooting Jaha just for that.'

Clarke laughed freely.

'I'll not tell him you said that.'

'I'm not scared of him.'

'No,' Clarke said quietly, not sure Bellamy could hear, 'you slayed your demons.'

Clarke made her way slowly to Arkadia. Her hand went for the door but she stopped short. There was really no point. Nothing would protect them now. The plan to make this a fortress to the radiation had come to nothing. She glanced back to Bellamy who was a few hundred yards away and walking out of the grounds. If this was to be his last few moments, he no doubt wanted it away from this compound. The swelling grey clouds in the sky caught her eye and she gave them a resentful look, before she finally turned her back on Bellamy's retreating figure.

Clarke left a trail of black mud with every footstep on the way to engineering. The quietness of the halls unnerved her and she quickened her pace. She swung the door open with a loud creak and was stunned to be met with all of her loved ones. Raven was wearing a proud smile, tears brimming. Octavia gave her a short but brief nod and Clarke knew she didn't need to explain Bellamy's choice; one day in the Flame they could talk about it. Clarke looked to Indra and her lip quirked upwards for the merest of seconds but Clarke still did not have the confidence to try to assume that Indra would ever smile at her. Monty, Harper, Miller and Bryan wore relieved grins and even Jasper looked somewhat happy to see her. She was glad that he had changed his mind and hadn't decided to follow Bellamy. He truly did believe they could thrive in the Flame. Murphy and Emori stood awkwardly next to Jaha who looked out of place among this close knit group. Clarke would never be able to forgive him for murdering her father, but she couldn't now say she didn't understand the decision, even though she knew she would not have done the same. Kane stepped forward and grasped her arm but her mother almost knocked him out of the way and pulled her into a hug.

'I'm glad you changed your mind.' Raven said, when Clarke and Abby stepped apart. 'I'm sorry, I shouted at you.'

Raven hadn't been pleased with a lot of Clarke's plans in recent months and when Clarke had refused to take the chip, she had never seen her friend so angry.

'I understand.' Clarke offered.

'Yeah, you're a total pain in the ass.'

Clarke gave a small laugh.

'Seconded.' Octavia said, but there was the glimmer of amusement in her eyes.

'Hate to kill the mood but we're on a time limit.' Murphy drawled.

'Well, you are at the back of the queue.' Jasper muttered.

'If it wasn't for me you'd still be in the City of Light.' Murphy reminded him but it was Raven who snapped.

'I did not work this damn hard to spend eternity with you guys bickering so shut the hell up.'

'Seconded.' Octavia repeated nonchalantly.

'Let's just get this over with.' Clarke said, exhausted. 'Have the others taken it?'

Raven nodded.

'I don't know if Roan and the ambassadors managed to give them out before the last storm hit.' Raven said. 'We might have got lucky and maybe one from every clan survived.'

'Us being lucky, would be a first.' Monty said.

'We can't do anything about it now.' Kane said, solemn.

'The others all took the chip in their rooms or the mess hall.' Abby said.

Clarke nodded, having no desire to check in on their seemingly sleeping figures as they lay strewn along the floor of Arkadia waiting for the radiation to claim them.

Clarke felt plastic scratch her palm and she looked down to see Raven's hand forcing the chip into hers and Raven stepped to pass the rest of the chips along the group. Clarke smiled gratefully at Raven's back. They had all been through so much together, they knew exactly how the other thought. Clarke dragged her mind from the people in the mess hall and stared down at the chip.

Octavia cleared her throat and Clarke looked up, her face burning and she shuffled her weight from foot to foot. She was going back to what she wanted, but Octavia would never get that same luxury.

'Well,' Jasper said, grinning forlornly, 'see you on the other side.'

He threw the chip into his mouth and within seconds his eyes shut and he slumped to the floor. Monty didn't even bother to catch him, and Harper stared at him in alarm.

'There's no point.' Monty said, incredulous at the shocked looks and Clarke had to concede that he had a point.

'Still, this body has been through enough pain. I think I'll sit down.' Raven said, lowering herself to the floor.

They all followed her motion, and sat on the floor. Clarke crossed her legs tightly and she felt a hand grip her leg.

'I'll see you in a moment.' Abby smiled before she slipped the chip between her lips and Kane quickly did the same, and Indra mimicked him.

Emori and Jaha were next, their bodies slumping more gracefully than Jasper's as they had less distance to fall. Bryan looked thoroughly glad to be done with this life as he took his. Miller raised his own hand quickly but Monty caught it before he took the chip. Miller looked at him curiously.

'Wish Jasper had waited.' Monty muttered. 'It should just be us now. Just for a minute.'

There was a grim rumbling in the distance and Harper jumped slightly, startled.

'He was glad for this to be over.' Clarke replied.

'Can't blame him.' Octavia muttered.

'Do we even deserve this?' Harper asked but Clarke's eyes remained on Monty, knowing he would not find his mother, despite following her actions in taking the chip.

'It doesn't matter. We're here.' Raven brushed off.

'Was any of it worth it?' Miller asked.

Clarke glanced down at the clear chip again before she smiled.

'Yeah, it was.' Clarke said. 'You found Bryan and your father again. We all got to have some kind of happiness. We weren't just prisoners. Maybe we didn't live as much as we could, but it was enough.'

'You sure about that?' Octavia questioned, cynical.

'No,' Clarke admitted, and she knew they were both thinking of Octavia's brother as their eyes met, 'but I trust us and we all got here together.'

'Then let's go inside the Flame.' Murphy said. 'It can't be any worse.'

'Please don't jinx it.' Raven threw at him and they all chuckled.

'You better have hooked this thing up right, Reyes.' Miller warned.

'Save everyone yourself then next time, Miller.' Raven retorted.

'All right, time to go.' Murphy said softly, and he took his own chip.

One by one they took the chip and Clarke watched as her friends slipped into the next life. She had never seen any of them in this much peace, and far from reminding her of the Mountain, she was given hope. They couldn't even survive, but maybe now they could live.

'Thank you, Dad.' Clarke whispered quietly, before she pressed the plastic chip to her lips.

As Clarke swallowed the chip and left Arkadia, she heard a faint booming roar as the thunder drew close and the unmistakable crack of lightening. The black rain was falling once more.

Clarke blinked rapidly and heard a leaf crunch underfoot. She raised her boot and looked at the broken leaf, and took in the beautiful blades of grass. She looked up quickly around to see the forest of Trikru but now the sun was out and shining, and when she looked behind her, Arkadia was gone. There was only trees.

'The first Commander,' said a familiar voice and Clarke instantly smiled, as tears pricked at her eyes for what she sincerely hoped was the last time today, 'finished the Flame before a lot of the Grounder settlements were made, she would never have known to put Arkadia where it lies now.'

Clarke, turned slowly, meeting green eyes. Lexa was standing wearing no war paint, or her commander's outfit which she had replaced with her simple black attire, but she had also adopted a look of nervousness.

'How did you know?' Clarke asked; Lexa did not seem remotely surprised at her presence, but the answer dawned on her immediately. 'Becca.'

Becca would have informed Lexa of everything as soon as Clarke had removed the Flame. She wished that Lexa had been able to be with her the last few months. She had needed her.

Clarke ached to run to Lexa. It was not like the City of Light. She had known definitely that she would see Lexa again. While the Flame lived, so did every past commander, but guilt held her in place.

'I'm sorry.' Clarke started but Lexa shot her a quizzical look. 'I couldn't save them all.'

'Clarke,' Lexa said softly, 'you took care of our people. You're a great leader. You have saved everyone you could.'

'But still not everyone-'

'Clarke,' Lexa said soothingly, 'you were right; life is about more than just surviving.'

* * *

 **Author's note: yes, it is kind of depressing but if you've read my fics before you'll be used to mass deaths. In my defence, I did find a way for them all to stay immortal and for Clexa love. Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading.**


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